• Britny Brain Damaged and Secretly Drugged
  According the restraining order, which was obtained by flying monkeys in powdered wigs (or maybe I just dreamed that part. I drink, you see.), Sam was secretly drugging Britny in an insidious plot to maintain control of her mind and her forty million dollar empire. Apparently, he dosed her with a brain-twirling concoction of prescription insomnia medication and anti-psychotic pills, and even crushed them up and slipped them into her food unawares, like some nightmare Disneyland witch.
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